All-Purpose businessman's Vocabulary
A CONSULTANT
Any ordinary guy with a briefcase more than 50 miles from home.
AN EXPERT
A person who avoids all small errors as he sweeps toward the grand
fallacy
A STATISTICIAN
One who draws a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted
assumption to a foregone conclusion.
A COLLEAGUE
Someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.
A RELIABLE SOURCE
The guy you just met.
AN INFORMED SOURCE
The guy who told the guy you just met.
AN UNIMPEACHABLE SOURCE
The guy who started the rumour originally.
A MEETING
A mass mulling of master-minds.
A CONFERENCE
A place where conversation is substituted for the dreariness of labor
and the loneliness of thought.
A PROGRAM
Any assignment that can't be completed by one telephone call.
CHANNELS
The guy who has a desk between two expeditors.
TO ACTIVATE
To make copies and add more names to the memo.
TO EXPEDITE
To confound confusion with commotion.
TO IMPLEMENT A PROGRAM
Hire more people and expand the office.
TO RESEARCH
Go looking for the jerk who moved the files.
TO GIVE SOMEONE THE PICTURE
To present a long, confused and inaccurate statement to a newcomer.
TO CLARIFY
To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground
goes underground.
IT IS IN PROCESS
So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless.
WE WILL LOOK INTO IT
By the time the wheel makes a full turn, we assume you will have
forgotten about it.
WILL ADVISE YOU IN DUE COURSE
If we figure it out, we'll let you know.
WE ARE AWARE OF IT
We had hoped that the fool who started it would have forgotten about
it by this time.
IT'S UNDER CONSTRUCTION
Never heard of it.
UNDER ACTIVE CONSTRUCTION
We are looking in the files for it.
WE ARE MAKING A SURVEY
We need more time to think of an answer.
LET'S GET TOGETHER IN THIS
I'm assuming you're as confused as I am.
PLEASE NOTE AND INITIAL
Let's spread the responsibility for this.
GIVE US THE BENEFIT OF YOUR PRESENT THINKING
We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere
with what we have already decided to do.
GIVE US YOUR INTERPRETATION
You warped opinion will be pitted against your adversary's good sense.

SEE ME
Come down to my office, I'm lonesome.